its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
