i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
‪So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?‬
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
