I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
