Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i was born a porn star she said
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
