Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
