His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
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