He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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