i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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