idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
