Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
