Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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