The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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