Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
