I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
