She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
