i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
