Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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