Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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