My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
