Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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