"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Randomize
