I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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