..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
