Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
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She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
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I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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