i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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