Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
