She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
