i just wanna soil my oats bro
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
