The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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