i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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