break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
