Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
