maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
