I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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