R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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