I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Randomize
