yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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