Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
