he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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