Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
