Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
