so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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