Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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