hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
i think my cat just said my name.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
