So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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