I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
