she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
