It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
