6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
You need Xanax blowdarts
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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