I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
