went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
