I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
