it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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