Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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