i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I need water and some morals
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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