Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
