wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
