that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
