Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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