My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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