I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I said "one day" and that day is not today
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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