Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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