I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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