You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
