i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
