CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
