Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
