I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
