hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
