I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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