He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
