i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
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