Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
