i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize