The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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