Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
