actually, I'm a sock model
we have pet lesbian snakes
The maid of honor just puked.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
