This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
